Today was a day full of emotions for me. 11 months ago I started my journey for a new me. It hasn't come without sacrifices though and tonight I was reminded of that. Over the past 11 months I have lost a total of 50 lbs. Today at my weight watchers meeting I was (and still am) over the moon excitement but tonight I've also realized that this has come with a pretty large price.

I have this amazing little boy that I love more than I thought I could ever love anything and today he broke and melted at the same time my heart. When we got home for the evening it was Jakub's bedtime and I put him to bed and he promptly started screaming. I asked him my usual question what was his favorite part of today and he threw mousy across the room, I told him goodnight and if he didn't want to talk then we would just call it a night and walked out the door. He started screaming that he loves me, I came back and told him I love him too and he burst into tears. I said whats the matter little man and he says I want to sleep with you, I said sleeping with us is a once and a while treat not an every day treat and he responds with but I miss your face then continues on to tell me that he hates that I have to work and he misses me all the time and we don't get to spend enough time together and asked if I could please take tomorrow off work. I had to explain that I have responsibilities and I can't take the day off tomorrow and of course he got upset all over again. I told him I'll take off another Tuesday to just spend the day with him and he said no you won't, you never never never do and I reassured him that I will as soon as I can on a nice day and I'll put aside the chores and just spend the day listening to him and doing what he wants to do with no agenda of my own. It's days like this that makes me realize what a tough job it is to balance, work, family and chores.  It also makes me re-evaluate some of my actions from before like do I spend too much time away from him trying to squeeze in a work out. I know that I need to do this for me and ultimately it will benefit him too but it's so hard to find the right balance. That little boy means the world too me and it just kills me to see him so upset. It also makes me realize that being a mother is the toughest job that a woman can have but so worth it in the end.

On a brighter note, over the weekend we took Jakub on our first family hike. It was interesting to say the least, we stopped at the fist Y in the path t o figure out which way the trail we were following goes and Jakub says "look mommy a nake" I quickly looked down and jumped "oh yes, you're right, that is a snake, lets go!!!" I grabbed his hand and we hurried along. We ended up walking 4.2 miles, I only carried him about 2 miles of the hike but we got to the end of the hike little man burst into tear and said Mommy, I'm not a hiker, I'm no good at it. I told him he did great (which he did) and left him know how far we walked, I can't say he felt better but we took him for a special treat later for being such a trooper. I'm hoping more family hikes are in the future because I'm training to do the Dam Half in September. I am so excited for this upcoming challenge.

A lot more has been going on that I'll fill you in later on...